Say or Don't Say it?

I have wondered this whole last week about whether or not vocalizing complaints is a good thing or not within a family. We discussed in my family relations class that the word "communication" is over used and misunderstood. what do we mean by communicating? is it that we are vocal with our complaints and issues or is it helping another person understand our thoughts and feelings through touch, words, and actions. My family has had a few misunderstanding over the years and not just within my immediate family but between my mom and dad's siblings as well. Pride often gets in the way of our understanding of others. Rather than focusing on the other persons view we try to mesh our view together with theirs because we can not fathom that our understanding is wrong. Or perhaps we discredit their view because it is clearly not in line with the experience that we have had. We should disregard our own interpretations of symbols and try to see their views and accept that we cannot change them. C.S. Lewis wrote a beautiful essay on how we cannot change others to help our situations better but how changing ourselves can change our situations and often others change because of that as well. The article is entitled "The trouble with X...". In the essay Lewis says:

"We must love "X‟ more; and we must learn to see ourselves as a person of exactly the same kind... And think of one's own faults instead? For there, with God's help, one can do something. Of all the awkward people in your house or job there is only one whom you can improve very much. That is the practical end at which to begin. And really, we'd better. The job has to be tackled some day: and every day we put it off will make it harder to begin...to face the fact that even if all external things went right, real happiness would still depend on the character of the people you have to live with—and that you can‟t alter their characters."

Rather than looking at others faults we should look at our own because we each have plenty that we can improve on. I like that he encourages others to fix themselves so that they can gain happiness. We do not gain happiness from our situation or setting but rather who we become. We gain happiness from within and if we can create an internal environment then we can choose to be happy. what a beautiful thing? we create our own happiness, we decide whether things are going good or if our situation is miserable. 

Knowing that we create our own happiness and cannot change others, should we speak up? should we complain about others faults when we have so many of our own that need changing? Should we point out other flaws as to improve our own happiness? (as we have established, happiness comes from within not from our setting) or should we be grateful for the internal peace that we can gain? Should we just create peace within ourselves and call it good? these are all so simplified questions. When a problem arises it takes great courage to accept the crisis and improve ourselves rather than rely on the improvement of others. 

So should we say it or not?

REAL LIFE family relations

Yesterday I drove down to Centerville, Utah because I had plans to get a hair cut (one of my favorite things in this whole wide world) and I was going to stay with my wonderful aunt vicki and uncle denis. Before I came down, I had said a prayer to have opportunities to see my family in a new light. I asked that I would make connections from my real life to ideas that I had learned in my family relations class. I asked that I would grow my already loving family relationships in something deeper. I wanted to understand my family on a deeper level, things that I hadn't known before. THAT prayer was answered in ways that I couldn't have even imagined. I have come to understand my aunt so much better. She is a talker and so open and so awesome. She has been through her own gethsemane is continuing to learn from experiences. She has become what she is because of her difficult trials. She became something so much more relatable and understandable. I hope that I have touched her with my testimony over this trip and that I will continue to do so. I hope that the role I play in my family and her life in particular will be for my better and hers as well. 

While talking to my aunt vicki, I got to share truths that I learned in both my religion class and my family relations class, truths that she could relate to. My aunt vicki lost a daughter to ovarian cancer a little over 2 years ago. Needless to say, the eternal family and after life is an element of her testimony is crucial to her faith in our heavenly father. The understanding of the post-mortal existence means that she will someday she her daughter again and understand why she died. What a blessing of peace that the atonement of christ brings! 

We talked alot about how her family has evolved and how she has evolved. We talked about her parents and their parents. We talked about trends and how we can change them. We talked about how we can  become the generation that stops doing the things that our parents did but weren't healthy. Her generation in our family has made significant strides towards spirituality and more gospel based homes. Relating it to the scriptures, we talked about how heavenly father helps us understand what things that we are doing that are wrong and need adjustment. He makes weak things become strong unto us. When we understand the trends that are hurting our families, we can help change them. I love that through my humble aunt I was able to see truths of the gospel working in a REAL way in a REAL persons life. Her understanding of my family has affected me now. I can learn from what she knows and begin to change the trends that I can still see happening in my life. 

I love that the spirit world is so close to us. Our family members that have passed have has the same struggles as us because they are literally a part of us. We share the same blood and they have passed on traits that I have to overcome, just as they did. They have overcome the internal conflicts of righteousness that I still struggle with. Who better than to help me overcome them than them? My dad has told me before that I am so much like my grandma. At first I thought it was a compliment because she is one of the most wonderful women that I have ever had as an example. However, my dad continued to tell me that I was proud and independent. When i think of my grandma those words aren't adjectives that I would classify my grandma as. The more that I have thought about that, I have come to realize that she overcame those not christ-like qualities and made something better out of herself. It is such a comfort to me to know that someone close to me that I look up to has become so much more than what she was given. She has made flowers out of cardboard. She has given me hope for change. 

In my last post, I talked about how the atonement is the change that we experience but also a healing process in which we can become whole. My grandma has made herself into a whole piece through Christ. I don't think that I could gain more hope than by looking at her life and where she has ended up. SHe is living evidence of the atonement working, as are we all. I know christ lives because I have changed and become whole. My life is not complete and I have so much more to learn but the accomplishments that I have made, which are so minimal compared to others, are evidence of my Savior's love for me because there is no way that I  could have done those things on my own. Through christ we can become what is necessary to live with him again. He changes real people in real ways. He lives!

Where he at??

Finding an eternal companion is really all about becoming an eternal companion. I have been wondering what criteria that my husband will have to have and came to the conclusion that it was useless. The real question I should be pondering is 'what am I becoming and is it what makes me ready for marriage?' There are many men that could be my husband but I need to be ready for it.

The world is finding new ways to find a mate successfully and keeping them around. For example, cohabitation, trying out a sex life before marriage, and not combining finances (ever) are all new trends in the world's singles. I wonder what mormons are really doing that differently. We are beginning to follow these worldly trends? That is so frightening. If we are dating like the world, then we will build worldly relationships. That is the last thing I want! I want an eternal marriage where we worship God together. I want to love someone like God loves me, true love. 

SO, where he at? haha Where am I at? Am I ready to build an intimate relationship with someone that is ready for marriage as well? 

Do people actually know better?

In my family relations class this last week we talked mostly about the roles of gender and the influences from the outside upon someone's interpretations of their role. This last week has been the most entertaining week so far. I got a few great laughs in but also came to the realization through this class and other the importance of obedience. I am so grateful that I know the plan of happiness and the role that the atonement can take in my life. I am blessed beyond measure. My knowledge of god's will for my life individually brings a sense of right and wrong. That sense translates into my actions, most importantly my level of obedience. Through obedience to god's commandments, a person can gain joy, joy that doesn't end but is eternal, true happiness. What a blessing it is to have the gospel in my life.

While this is great and important and applicable to me, I wonder, is the normal, uneducated man still able to find joy through changing and becoming better? Do all men have the opportunity to find the direction that God would have them go? This may be harsh and not politically correct but do people who have same-sex attraction know better than to act on those thoughts or impulses?

In my Doctrines of the Gospel class this semester, I was taught about the nature and role of the light of Christ. Everyone has the Light of Christ and therefore can know right from wrong. The light of Christ never completely withdraws from a person (I wish I had my book with me to give references to this doctrine) or else life would cease in him. We ALL have a conscious. I realize that with out being taught the truths during this life it would be hard and nearly impossible to govern ourselves fully.  However, the  idea of having no direction and not knowing better is without substance. There are false assumptions and weak arguments with this satanic doctrine. By having the Light of Christ we are all, to some degree, responsible for the choices we make.

I am so grateful that I have the atonement and the perfect example of christ to guide me. I am grateful that I have knowledge of the atonement that leads me to a healing after the change, or repentance that I partake in. Instead of just changing and become better, my sins are forgiven and I become clean from my past, healed from my past. That is the ultimate blessing.