Say or Don't Say it?

I have wondered this whole last week about whether or not vocalizing complaints is a good thing or not within a family. We discussed in my family relations class that the word "communication" is over used and misunderstood. what do we mean by communicating? is it that we are vocal with our complaints and issues or is it helping another person understand our thoughts and feelings through touch, words, and actions. My family has had a few misunderstanding over the years and not just within my immediate family but between my mom and dad's siblings as well. Pride often gets in the way of our understanding of others. Rather than focusing on the other persons view we try to mesh our view together with theirs because we can not fathom that our understanding is wrong. Or perhaps we discredit their view because it is clearly not in line with the experience that we have had. We should disregard our own interpretations of symbols and try to see their views and accept that we cannot change them. C.S. Lewis wrote a beautiful essay on how we cannot change others to help our situations better but how changing ourselves can change our situations and often others change because of that as well. The article is entitled "The trouble with X...". In the essay Lewis says:

"We must love "X‟ more; and we must learn to see ourselves as a person of exactly the same kind... And think of one's own faults instead? For there, with God's help, one can do something. Of all the awkward people in your house or job there is only one whom you can improve very much. That is the practical end at which to begin. And really, we'd better. The job has to be tackled some day: and every day we put it off will make it harder to begin...to face the fact that even if all external things went right, real happiness would still depend on the character of the people you have to live with—and that you can‟t alter their characters."

Rather than looking at others faults we should look at our own because we each have plenty that we can improve on. I like that he encourages others to fix themselves so that they can gain happiness. We do not gain happiness from our situation or setting but rather who we become. We gain happiness from within and if we can create an internal environment then we can choose to be happy. what a beautiful thing? we create our own happiness, we decide whether things are going good or if our situation is miserable. 

Knowing that we create our own happiness and cannot change others, should we speak up? should we complain about others faults when we have so many of our own that need changing? Should we point out other flaws as to improve our own happiness? (as we have established, happiness comes from within not from our setting) or should we be grateful for the internal peace that we can gain? Should we just create peace within ourselves and call it good? these are all so simplified questions. When a problem arises it takes great courage to accept the crisis and improve ourselves rather than rely on the improvement of others. 

So should we say it or not?